Monster Masterpiece Marathon

A bumper: the sort for a local television station’s Halloween horror movie marathon. Graphics, timeslots, generic upbeat music.

STEVE: (voice-over) Tonight, the crazy train makes another stop between sanity and madness for the next chilling installment of “Cinematico Magnifico’s Cinematic Monster Masterpiece Marathon”!

The music transitions to some campy, yet menacing diddy.

Relevant footage and graphics for “Audrey” appear.

Dr. Howard Fine thought she was just another face in a hotel bar. But when the woman’s face changed, he’s left with only one question, “Who is… Audrey?”

Find out the answer at 5:05, when the nightly scares begin with “Audrey”!

Music transitions to a campy, yet wholly un-menacing melody.

Then, at 7:05… 

Relevant footage and graphics for “I’m a Middle-Aged Werewolf” appear.

Bronson Pubic-Lice is a man rough around the edges, and too quick to bite. But after a night out with the boys goes horribly wrong, all he really wants to be… is a good boy.

John Jablonksi and Maggie Sex-Pun star in: “I’m a Middle-Aged Werewolf!” A second act… with a twist.

Music transitions to a distinctly menacing tune.

But then, at 9:05…

Relevant footage and graphics for “Pumpkinstiltskin” appear.

All Jack Jacksonnovan wanted was one last Halloween with friends. Now he’s making sure the screams never end!

Elongated Nipples is… Pumpkinstiltskin! You’ll be goard out of your mind!

Music transitions to a cool, yet uncool campy indie 90s vibe.

And for one last unpleasant scream before bed… 

Relevant footage and graphics for “This Girl is Poison!” appear.

the 90’s comedic action-horror indie cult classic, “This Girl is Poison!” Featuring Allonna Woman as January Embers, a woman on the run from her past and a price on her head. But just when she’s forced to return to her hometown, an evil poisonous cloud threatens to kill everyone!

Return of the generic, upbeat music.

All this tonight and more all month long as part of “Cinematico Magnifico’s Cinematic Monster Masterpiece Marathon.” Only on Santa Carla Public Television.