Juan in a Million

STEVE is the host of a radio show of his own making, and nothing good can or will come of it.

STEVE: I’m a figment of an uncaring universe, and welcome back to The Nightly Chill. Our guest this week is Juan Santana from San Juan Capistrano.

JUAN: The lady said this was going to be a survey…

STEVE: (maniacal laughter) Because that’s what we pay her to say! (to audience) Isn’t that right, folks? (self-applause) (to Juan) You know the rules, don’t you, Juan?

JUAN: Who are you?

STEVE: Wonderful. But for those of you at home, here’s how it works: Juan will be blindfolded, gagged, and abandoned in a random corner of this week’s city, with no phone, no wallet, and no clothes. If he can evade capture for seventy-two hours, Juan wins one-thousand dollars!

JUAN: Wait. That’s it?

STEVE: So you’ll do it?

JUAN: (considers this) Sure, what the Hell.

STEVE: …Wait. Really?

JUAN: Yeah. That’s like half my rent.

STEVE: Wow.

JUAN: When do we get started?

STEVE: …I don’t think I want to anymore.

JUAN: What? Why not?

STEVE: …I never actually expected anyone to go along with this crazy idea.

JUAN: Then why go through the trouble?

STEVE: Promise not to laugh?

JUAN: No. But why let that stop you now?

STEVE: Right. Well… I’ve been a bit lonely.