Ape and a Half

As the mighty ape seized Dr. Phinneas Scrotes, of the Moronikan University of Half-Wits, and ripped him in half… well,¬†two¬†halves, really… he soon discovered it wasn’t being ripped into two poorly proportioned halves that killed him, but rather his insides becoming outsides.

Before the Fall

As the doctors tended to the dying and the priests prayed for the dead, the living waited in line.

“Would you like a rock to speed things up?” the councilman asked.

“Will it cushion my fall?”

“Would it help if I lied?”

“No.”

“Exactly,” the councilman replied with a push.